Faced with chaos I turned to cry
Not knowing all the reasons why.
Why did it happen to me this way?
When did I stop wanting to pray?
I couldn’t believe I was to be blamed
For all the things that brought me shame.
Deeper I looked inside my soul
I found my faults, confused of my role.
I forgive those who betrayed more than me,
And killed my chance of sobriety.
Driven by fear of the inevitable day
I had pushed all the love out of my way.
Destruction is what most would have done,
But I overcame it, I fought it. I won.
I truly believe the incurable pains
Are what made me the woman that I am today.
I believe peace of mind is the med of choice
Giving your spirit a beautiful voice.
Living a life that’s raped you of hope
You have to cleanse in order to cope.
The purest of this is indeed love.
But I had some issues with the Lord above.
I couldn’t feel love, because of my past
I just never had love that seemed to last.
It didn’t exist in my world at all
I was sick and tired of that pitiful fall.
I sheltered myself from all the appeal
But that kept me from being able to feel.
Then I found out I was going to die.
So no love, no life, no lullaby.
The life I led meant nothing to me,
And I didn’t care what came to be.
I didn’t have something that , to me, wasn’t real
The ability to love, and the courage to feel.
I made some life changes people didn’t like
But its not about them, it wasn’t their fight.
Now I am free from the grip of disease
I walk so much smoother, so much more at ease.
That isn’t all, there’s so much more,
More personal, and treasured, about the one I adore.
The forced recognition of something I feared
The visions that someone has finally made clear.
I know what I missed, but now I know why
I had to go through it to be able to fly….
~Tricia Leigh 4/15/2010