So its 5 A.M. and I’m awake…thinking of the previous day.
I’ve been up all day, and night, not knowing what to say.
Then it came to me, with these thoughts in my head,
What I would write about before I went to bed.
Just last night I was rearranging, packing up some things.
Making room for a comfortable bed, working on everything.
Everything to get ready , for a day to come.
Packing up old books and stuff, it really wasnt fun.
So I tried to make it as positive as I could
and remembered why all these things were good.
How I put items in a box, to put away a part of me…
But there is no box big enough, to hold the memory.
~Tricia Leigh 9/30/2009
I wrote this while I was going through a battle with Cancer. I have been in remission now for two years, but I had just heard from the Dr. that I was terminal when I wrote this poem.
As you know I just started here,
Trying to figure out all the gears.
I didn’t know how to post a blog,
or how to post a pic of a frog.
I knew nothing about the feeling you tote
When someone likes one of the poems that you wrote.
I thank all of you for liking my notes
And for subscribing to my emotional boat.
Faced with chaos I turned to cry
Not knowing all the reasons why.
Why did it happen to me this way?
When did I stop wanting to pray?
I couldn’t believe I was to be blamed
For all the things that brought me shame.
Deeper I looked inside my soul
I found my faults, confused of my role.
I forgive those who betrayed more than me,
And killed my chance of sobriety.
Driven by fear of the inevitable day
I had pushed all the love out of my way.
Destruction is what most would have done,
But I overcame it, I fought it. I won.
I truly believe the incurable pains
Are what made me the woman that I am today.
I believe peace of mind is the med of choice
Giving your spirit a beautiful voice.
Living a life that’s raped you of hope
You have to cleanse in order to cope.
The purest of this is indeed love.
But I had some issues with the Lord above.
I couldn’t feel love, because of my past
I just never had love that seemed to last.
It didn’t exist in my world at all
I was sick and tired of that pitiful fall.
I sheltered myself from all the appeal
But that kept me from being able to feel.
Then I found out I was going to die.
So no love, no life, no lullaby.
The life I led meant nothing to me,
And I didn’t care what came to be.
I didn’t have something that , to me, wasn’t real
The ability to love, and the courage to feel.
I made some life changes people didn’t like
But its not about them, it wasn’t their fight.
Now I am free from the grip of disease
I walk so much smoother, so much more at ease.
That isn’t all, there’s so much more,
More personal, and treasured, about the one I adore.
The forced recognition of something I feared
The visions that someone has finally made clear.
I know what I missed, but now I know why
I had to go through it to be able to fly….
~Tricia Leigh 4/15/2010
There once was a man who was Swiss
Who wanted to know how to kiss
He tried everyday and he puckered away
Opportunity came and he missed.
~My Husband 1990 8th Grade
I am anxious, cant breathe.
Chest closing, I scream.
Im overloaded, in pain.
No pain, no gain.
I waited for this.
I expected, its bliss.
Still questions, my mind.
The answers , I find.
Letting go, break down.
Forever standing, I drown.
Let it be me, your girl.
Us together, your world.
Give unto you, Im weak.
I tremble , you speak.
“Never Fear, Im here,
you’re with me, my dear.”
Silent pleasure, release.
Security, to please.
The actions, unknown.
The future, not done.
Take hold, embrace.
This time, this place.
~Tricia Leigh 4/3/2010
Everyday we take for granted…in our lives what others planted.
Every night we lay awake…and think of things that others take.
Every week we tend to fall…wondering why we hit that wall.
Every month we forget to say…the words that give us all away.
Every year we wonder why…we had to shed those tears and cry.
Every decade turns a page…and yet we carry all that rage.
Everyday appreciate…the people you love, forget the hate.
Every night before you sleep…forget the hurt that makes you weep.
Every week try not to fall…keep your head up and walk tall.
Every month unload your soul…to someone else that makes you whole.
Every year start fresh and new…dry your eyes, and just stay true.
Every decade that Im not here….remember me, and never fear.
Every decade, year and month that’s passed…will show you the love that I have cast.
Every week, night and day…I‘ll remind you of what you need to say.
Every one be sure to share…your thoughts, your love, your need to care.
Every day be sure to feel…your family, friends, and all that’s real.
Every one live for today…forget tomorrow…. it may not play.
Posted in Poetry
Tagged death, Grieving, Healing, inspiration, Life, love, Memories, Miss you, Pain, Poem, poetry, Regret, Remembering, Writing